Sunday, July 20, 2014

Thank Goodness for Mechanically-Inclined Husbands

I love that my husband is mechanically-inclined (i.e. Mr. Fix It). We were traveling on I-4 about to head into Orlando and our truck started acting funky. The power steering quit working, engine began over-heating and other stuff I don't understand.

My husband knew exactly what it was: some pulley thing that a belt attaches to. The plastic circular thing that is supposed to be part of the pulley had melted. We pulled into a Publix parking lot, my husband took out his toolbox and began figuring things out. Then, we called a cab to take us to an auto part store, paid $42 for the part, rode back to Publix, paid $24 for the taxi, installed the new pulley thing & put the belt back on. We were on our way home less than 30 minutes later.

He was sweaty, since it had been 95 degrees outside, had grease all over his hands and arms and somehow cut himself during the process so the grease was mixed with blood. I was so proud. I'm also thankful for a husband who knows things like this. I feel safe with him and know that we can get through anything.

This little detour reminded me of how important it is to be self-reliant and to know that you can pull through any challenge.

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Mind Junk

I feel cluttered. I keep picturing that my mind is full of junk. Sort of like this:

In times like these, I think too much. Way too much. I think about discovering new places and traveling the country with my husband and writing every day and becoming my own boss. I wonder what it feels like to be so confident that I sing along with Tori Amos. The beautiful lyrics floating from my stomach to my heart, through my throat and onto my tongue.

I think about starting an LLC so that I am prepared for all of the entrepreneurship opportunities that are on my bucket list. I think about work. Not as much as I used to but I hope that I am making a difference. I am faced with many new challenges and quite a few of them are outside of my comfort zone. My leadership capacity is being tested and I'm finding that I have to make decisions in more direct and assertive ways than I ever have before. I surprise myself sometimes. Am I being direct or a bitch? I am unsure sometimes.

I stopped reading the bible and I have no idea why. I know that I need to start again but I haven't. I don't know why. Maybe it's the mind junk. I'm not sure but I am thinking that mind junk is a self-fulfilling prophecy. It's an excuse. A rationalization. An out. A way to build a wall to keep me from myself.


Or, maybe the mind junk is a catalyst. A way to open myself to a an mysterious vulnerability that will at first break my heart and then restore it, little by little. Becoming new again. Becoming me again.