Sunday, January 20, 2013

Embracing Adolescence

Don't you just love it when you find an old CD that you haven't listened to in a really long time?  When I was cleaning yesterday, I found a R.E.M. CD and forgot how much I completely love the song "Night Swimming".  It's beautiful and vulnerable.  This song is amazing.

There's something about this song that sort of breaks me.  It tears away the armour of experience, age and confidence that I've developed over the years.  Listening to this song makes me feel adolescent.  Vulnerable and open.  New.  I forgot that I could feel this way.  I get so caught up in the busyness of life that I forget how amazing it feels to let my shield down.  To be alone and cry and embrace the tears that get pushed deep down.  This state of mind makes me feel alive and thankful that I do not have it all figured out for I want to continue to grow every single day of my life.  I want to be both strong and vulnerable.  Confident and weak.  Adult and adolescent.    

Friday, January 11, 2013

Friday Morning Reflections

I haven't really been in the mood to write or even practice photography.  I started studying digital photography because I realized that when I transitioned to a digital camera six years ago, that didn't mean I became a digital photographer.  I discovered that I was just an old school I-wish-I-still-had-a-darkroom photographer who uploads her photos on a computer instead of printing them.

After I found out that I've been saving my photos incorrectly, from the very first click of the shutter, I sort of felt like a dork and became a bit dissonant.  In regards to writing and photography, I have just needed a little break.  But, the need to be creative is seeping its way back into my life.

Here are a few random thoughts:

  • I've started using an online calorie tracking site and I've learned that immediate feedback into the amount of calories, carbs, fat, sodium, protein and sugar I intake on a daily basis is very eye-opening.  Some days, I am extremely proud of myself while other days are full of self-loathing and regret.  Being 35 and trying to get fit is difficult.
  • I am working three late nights this week and, though I sometimes wish I had a typical 9:00-5:00 job, it is really nice to be sitting on my sofa, drinking coffee and blogging knowing that I don't have to go into the office until noon.  This isn't too shabby.
  •  My dog hasn't been feeling well.  I can tell that he's uncomfortable and I'm starting to get that anxious feeling.  I can't ignore the fact that he will be 16 in August.  This just breaks my heart.  My husband and I are giving him Benadryl, making sure his floor fan is pointed in his direction and playing Sara McLachlan (his favorite musician).  He still eats really well, loves the beach and walks up and down a flight of stairs 3 to 4 times per day and I am thankful for this.  I just pray that things are never stressful for him.  One thing I know:  I will never have another dog - losing him will create a hole in my soul that I will never be able to fill.
  • I'm looking forward to the weekend.  The weather is absolutely beautiful in northeast Florida.  Recently, I found a little used bookstore - the books are all half-off the cover price and when you bring them back, you get a discount on your next purchase.  You can also check out new releases for $5 per week.  I'm so excited!  I still read paper books and haven't made the transition to electronic books.  I may one day.  I'm just not there yet.

Happy Friday!