Saturday, October 6, 2012

Swimming Out of a Fog

For the past week or so I have felt like I've had a huge rock on my chest.  I worried that I had heart problems or some other health issue but knew that it was anxiety.  I don't remember ever being that anxious/stressed out/overwhelmed.  It was all self-imposed.  I don't know why.  I felt awful, like I was dying.  I knew that I needed to relax, pray, meditate, etc. but nothing I tried was working.  I became anxious about my anxiety.  It was getting bad.  I was in a fog.  I was suffocating.

Yesterday, the rock dissolved.  I actually felt it lift off of my chest while I was swimming.  My husband and I went to Salt Springs yesterday morning.  We were the only people in the springs, the sky was amazing and the water cleansed my spirit in a way that I couldn't imagine.  I'm still in awe.

It was as if God directed me to the spring so that I could be reminded of the important things in life.  I floated in the water, let my ears fill with it, and as the sun warmed my skin I completely let go of the enormous amount of anxiety I had been holding onto.  All I could hear was my own breath.  It reminded me of how precious life is.  It reminded me of the things I value, the life I was meant to live.

I have been awakened.  I know my purpose.  I accept that God is leading me in a brand new direction.  I am excited.  I vow to focus on only those things that matter.  Yesterday's swim was one of the most amazing experiences I ever had.  It was pure and beautiful.  I connected to God, my husband, my self, nature and my purpose in that water.  Moments like that make it so easy to be thankful.  A few posts ago, I wrote about asking God to be my energy.  He was yesterday.  He showed Himself in Salt Springs.  He gave me the energy that I was lacking and I have a renewed motivation to move forward. 

For your name's sake, Lord, preserve my life;
in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble. 

In your unfailing love, silence my enemies;
destroy all my foes, for I am your servant.
Psalm 143:11-12